Top of the morning to ya laddies. My name is jacksepticeye and welcome back to dumb sweet dumb. Honey. I’m trash!!! Welcome home, me… So it, uh- Bit of a fixer-upper still There’s still a lot of the stuff that needs to be fixed and changed and dumped and thrown away, but At least we still have our interdimensional shower at our disposal We’re going to do a few more jobs because these are the things that are the most fun “additional walls” “Amaranth walls”. I don’t wanna make you Amaranth wall “save me from these horrible colors, honey” You don’t even know me and you’re calling me honey. “Hello Oh, hello, my dear” “I’m sooooo happy that you offered to help me with house flipping. I hope your offer is still valid. You wouldn’t say no” “To such a wonderful person like me, right? (deep voice): Here’s the deal.” “About a month ago, I moved to my cousin’s house” “she is, I’m sorry to say, an …” “ARTIST!!!!!” “Her artistic soul commands her to live in a house that looks like a Christmas tree” “OMG really” this is the weirdest email ever. “Thanks for everything and remember to hurry” “Loves and kisses” Okay, Michael Bit of a stranger-danger vibe off you… Also who are you to say what colors are “normal”? I’m gonna get out my normie paints and start painting the town red Okay, I feel like all these houses are just in the same neighborhood like mine is just next door. I’m fixing up all the houses Better than what mine is. Oh, wait, did I just take on a job that is just all painting? Paint the col- paint with the colors “Faded lemon” “Dear house flipper I want the house to be painted” “NORMAL COLORS because my cousin is too artistic” “Please paint with faded lemon.” That does not go together. I- I hate this. I hate painting in this game I don’t like it. I don’t want it. I’m gonna sneeze *anticipation* *sneezing that cuts to a footage of destroying everything* Sorry you had to see that. MMMMM!!!! Faded lemon “normal colors!” I’m just gonna say it outright right now Michael. I was– I’m kind of with the red You know, it gives it a warm feeling it makes the room feel like it’s more inviting This makes it look like you had a cat that pissed all over the walls. (imitating): “Yes, see, I got the man to paint the interior of my house faded lemon” “Because I wanted my house to look like a cheesecake.” This is Gastly. tadaaaaa It’s hideous. Now that that room’s done now- No, mother of god… Oh, my eyes! Oh, Jesus Christ What- what is that? What- Oh that’s better. Oh God, Jesus. Holy moly God This one I agree with, okay, Michael? This one, a-no-no-no. This one also a no-no-no. But we’re gonna turn it into a yes-yes-yes. How do- I can’t sell this? Now I just have a paint tin that I can’t do anything with. Sleepy blue… I feel like whoever painted this in the first place was already asleep. Because there is no way they would allow this color to be on a wall. Oh, 75% faster painting. Oh, thank jebediah Kerman. That is not faster. You know what Michael? Painting your house is fun and all but I’ve had more fun cleaning up my dog’s shit It is done- oh mother of god. Sorry, I– I moved all your stuff I guess I should move it back Err… Plonk. Now THIS is a room. I’ve been in a few rooms in my time This is a room. Four walls, doorways. That’s a room. I don’t have my selling thing though. So I just have buckets of paint laying around everywhere now… Not my problem Michael. That’s all you buddy boy. I am NOT painting this room. Give me a different room to paint. Oh my god did a Did a rainbow throw up on your house? Oh my god, this is the cellar where they keep all their slaves. This house looks like if Hello Kitty ate lucky charms and then vomited everywhere. The more I think about it the more I realized that Mr. Bean was on to something You know, painting is tedious No one wants to do it, but eventually we all have to. (sunglassepticeye with inspiring quotes) So what did Mr. Bean do? He put a firework inside a tin of paint Wrapped everything in newspaper left the house and it exploded and painted his whole house white. Man was a genius, ahead of his time. Yo, what color did you want your house to be? Oh, you know just give me that whole like Iraq desert look. Okay minimum progress is done. Okay. See you later. Bye bye now! Did he say he… Purchased the house from his cousin? or has his cousin gone away, and he just decided to repaint the walls? I forget what color I picked for this. And I was gonna say I should finish it, but I don’t wanna paint anymore! Ooo, nice house. You should probably cut your lawn though It’s the time of year springtime. Get out there, mow-mow. ohh, mother of… I really wish I could check what the job was. Cuz right now I don’t know. Buyers, oh. Is this it? I don’t- UM??? “Former military tactical planner” Now Psycho Mantis in the new Metal Gear Solid apparently (guess we gonna ignore the ‘even if he needs to kill someone’ part) Oh, I’m gonna swipe right in the Jantart family. What a fantastic name Alright, I think I just need to destroy shit. Well, I’m doing it. Oh, that’s not right. Oh, no I took a chunk that I wasn’t supposed to Delete oh no, look the door is gone! Sssshit. I feel like you’re was misled in the trailer for this game (Oh) You want me to put a bathroom in here Oooh convenient I want to lock myself in here and be the little worker man that I know I can be. There you go the shower’s all in place Now you can get in there and wash your dirty filthy body Invite some friends over. Shower with them! Showering with friends is always better than showering alone You can’t go wrong with a pooper Ah the sink you can wash your hands and face, but you can never wash away your sins. Oh, it’s my favorite thing to do Lay down some tiles. You know how good I am at it from before Wait, oh Oh I could have done that before You just click once and you click everywhere else and ooh, never mind silly boy Okay, lay tiles ceramic wall tiles gray and ceramic tiles gray Piling and paneling. Oh, I got the thing now Wow, I am very very fast at that Oh now I’m even faster. Look at me go. Whoosh whoosh This is amazing! Hire me I do my bar mitzvahs as well. You know what tiling is It’s just another version of painting. This is rigged. It’s the same thing. It’s just a different coat of… Paint.
(laughs and applause for the joke of the century) Berlelep. That’s sold. Okay. What else do I need to do… place a mirror… *sigh* This… …room is… …So annoying Beach Venge? I don’t know what the fuck venge is but I like it Okay, it’s done. Look at this. Ah, I can see myself in the mirror now A dark clouded mess of garbage. Oh sweet Jesus Oh some sort of…. monster sleeps in this room What why not just one patchy yellow on the wall. Are you doing some sort of like weird green-screen vlogs to all your seven-year-old friends? Paint with the colors sky blue What the hell I forgot how fast I am This is what it’s like to paint walls on cocaine There’s not so bad when it’s like this I could just BOOM BEOOP BEOOM BEOOB look at this paint man go okay job’s done It was going in I’m gonna have such a bad reputation in the neighborhood Like yeah, he just– he came into my house I told him I just wanted a bathroom but he destroyed two of the walls and half painted one of the rooms. I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but you know what? I like it. Some people are calling me the visionary genius of the interior design world, you know like a regular old Steve Jobs, Bill Gates Jack Septic. Actually now that that’s much faster Could I get the blue paint again, what was.. I… royal blue? Is that what I used? No, I don’t think it was royal blue. That’s not the right it was not royal blue I think it was the navy dark blue-y boy, this one navy blue night Mm-hmm Yes. Oh That feels quick Wait why are you all slow here? That’s not the same color either What fucking– as you’re thinking about it as your bliss as your go away out of it? Here we go I am the painter Tron 4000, painting in progress. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Could I? No… wait, why are you telling me there’s– there’s dirt outside? Are you shitting me with this. You know what my house is? My house is that one friend who you love, you love your friend dearly, you want to hang out with them aaall the time. They’re great. But you know they’re garbage, you know they’re trash and they probably won’t amount to much My– My house is like the reformed alcoholic drug addict You know, it-it’s just– it Nothing was going right for it. Everything was going bad. It didn’t look the best. You knew it was better. You knew underneath that crusty methamphetamine head. There was something worthwhile underneath And here it is This is my house after rehab. Oh lovely jubbly. Okay. Well you’re– you’ve got to go So does most of in there because holy hell it looked like someone made a kaleidoscope of color palettes based on what the inside of my ass looks like. How do I get rid of the tiles? How do I do it? I’ll get a reinforced nuclear door for my bathroom *laughs* Fallout shelter beware all who entered this space have your hazmat suits and your gas masks on because in here is something wicked. The tenants will appreciate the smooth walls Like David Tennant and his family? I’m sure everyone would appreciate smooth walls. Look at the weird lumpy bumpy walls you have in your house. Here we go. Uhh we need to… Mount devices? It says that I have to make additional walls. Oh, yes in here. Yes, oh, what do we have in here? Ah a tiny little claustrophobic space. I love it. Do I have to destroy this wall? Well, it’s happening. I do! Okay, see you later wall! And they want another wall here? Oh me oh my you make me sigh I really wish I didn’t take this job Okay, I can get an upgrade. The build wall is already painted, building distance is 1 meter or more 50% faster building though… Can build three walls at once. There we go Excuse me Excuse me Where are my– Where are my three walls at once? All right move the– remove the crib Ah, there we go, I did it. Now your child can feel like they are living inside mortuary You know, it’s gonna prepare them for life. They’re gonna be fine. Oh God. *sad song* Oh my God, I have to move everything. Oh my god it’s so frustrating. All right. What do you want in here? …Mount devices? Am I just changing the plug outlet? I mean this is easy Is this why you wanted to change your child’s bed Cuz this thing looks fried. What happened to your child? Yes, you go in there. Sure. Don’t worry family of this house. I won’t tell anybody that you accidentally got your child killed Back to the bomb shelter. That’s what I’m gonna call my bathroom from now on, ‘the bomb shelter’ Oh, incredible. Okay. Well that does it for this episode of house… flipper. That– or I should have done flipper, like a seal Have you seen that video of the seal just slapping itself (jack is a seal now) it’s incredible- *wheezes* I don’t know what I’m doing But thank you guys so much for watching this episode if you liked it punch the like button in the face! LIKE A BOSS! AND! High fives all around *HAPOOSH HAPOOSH* But THANK you guys and I will see you all you dudes! IN THE NEXT VIDEO! Looks like we’ve… found our man