🏆TEAMS REACT TO THE UCL GROUP STAGE DRAW 19/20🏆 (Champions League Parody)

TEAMS REACT TO THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE DRAW 19/20 No! Real Madrid? Holy beefburgers! That means… That means you’ll be playing against me when I’ve signed for Real Madrid! Nurse!
He’s back again! Look what you’ve done to my hair! It’s an improvement, Demi Lovato! And now Kylian, for some work on your achilles! Nurse! No, PSG! Gareth I believe in you. Together we can do this. Long live the welsh king!
Long live the bald romance! Sorry but no can do, I can’t me choose these all Wednesdays until Christmas. I’ve got a load of midweek golf tournaments. Sorry but I forgot my.. Red Star at night, shepherd’s delight! What the hell are you talking about? Phil, I’m so glad you’ve signed for Bayern! Because you’ll stand a better chance of winning the Champions League? No, because the possibilities for adding visual gags to my already hilarious repertoire of jokes is just too exciting! Hey, Levy, want to know how we’ll beat Spurs? Go on… Phil, I give you…
Bacary LaSagna! What? Lasagne! Why Lasagne! Lasagne gate! How will a gate made out of lasagne help? No! When Arsenal beat Spurs by poisoning their lasagne! And what did they do with the gate? Forget it! Yes! Piece of piss boss… as long as you start playing Jan and Christian again! Never! There’s more chance of me playing Gary Lineker and Paul Gascoigne! Hi Poch, let me know if you want any advice. I’m a tactical genius. Think of me as nicer and friendlier Pep Guardiola. I’ll think of you as a fatter and hairier Pep Guardiola! Now get the hell out! Honey, I’m home! Great news, I will be free on Tuesday and Wednesdays until Xmas! Why? Our Champions League group is so piss easy, I’m leaving Mikel Arteta in charge until the knocout stage! Just remind him to do the fake one to one teen top’s on the side of the pitch when the cameras are filming, okay? Yes darling! Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Ronventus will be winning the Champions League! Oh sure, that’s what you said last season you senile old fool! What did you call me!?! Oh great. Now his hearing is going as well… What? He said your hearing is going! The disrespect. First UEFA give player of the year to a defender and now this. The world has gone crazy. In my day… Ok grandad! If you’re going to start talking about the good old days, why not head to the seniors lounge and speak with Gigi, hmmm? Oh Juve… Don’t worry boss! Because we’ve got future world class star Joao Felix? Because we’ve got current world class star Kieran Trippier! Boss, that’s an easy looking group. Who cares Mo.
Completed it. And this time you will score against Liverpool in the final minutes to knock them out! Yes boss! Ah, let’s see what’s on the menu this season! The Reus – Second rate German Sausage. Made from heavily inked and often strained muscles. Sanchez Empanadas – Pastries stuffed with cheap meat that cost an absolute fortune. (May contain mustachio nuts) I used to like that one but it’s been awful recently The Skoda soup – A traditional Prague dish. Heavy and full of carbs. (Made with the cheapest possible ingredients) These should go down very easily. Just like those cheating goalkeepers who should have been booked last season… divers! What the hell is he doing? I have no idea… but I really hope that it’s salt! Waiter! Get me one of everything and make it snappy! Barca, Inter Milan and … Slavia Prague. Who are they? They’re our easy 6 points! Don’t be crazy Marco. Inter have Lukaku and Sanchez, they’re our easy six points! Zenit, Benfica and Lyon? We did qualify for the Champions League, right? Roman, thanks for taking my call. I know we can’t sign any players to help us win the Champions League, but can I sign a new assistant manager? Roberto Di Matteo… Hello? Roman? Yes! An easy draw guys! Guys? Oh, we sold everyone. I forgot…

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